More than a year with Covid and a lifetime without our loved ones. They mattered!
Loss – the word sounds so small and yet makes you feel something that nothing else in this world can. Loss is like an abyss, when you experience it, there’s only a fall, a tempestuous, dark fall. One such fall has been orchestrated by this covid pandemic that has pushed millions of us into the kind of abyss from which you never rise, that doesn’t have a silver lining, that doesn’t leave any room for hope, that leaves you bereft.
Coronavirus, covid waves, vaccines, the battle for survival and loss, we have all been entangled in the vile cycle of this pandemic, directly or indirectly. After spending a year and a half with this monster, we all are familiar with the kind of scars it is leaving on our hearts and psyche.
What this virus is snatching away from us is the people who make life worth living, who are the reason why we live. Seeing them gasping for air, battling for life, lying helplessly in a hospital bed with tubed of all kinds attached to their bodies, is like going through pain that doesn’t kill you but leaves you incapable of feeling anything, forever. Losing them, day by day, bit by bit to a virus that’s most likely not even organic, makes you realize how insignificant and insufficient all our knowledge and insight is.
The system talks about figures and numbers at the end of the day when they say xxx number of people lost their lives to covid today, they turn lives into numbers, emotions into statistics, and love into data. For a listener, it is just another number but for the ones who lose someone, it is their family, their everything!
For those who have lost someone to corona, they have not lost just a friend, a spouse, or a next of kin, they have lost their childhood, their mischiefs, their innocent games, their imaginary castles, their road trip tales, their future plans, their marriage, and the memories that were made over a lifetime.
Those who are gone are probably in a better place but what about this living hell where their loved ones are supposed to rot without them? What about the ones who are left behind, who cry themselves to sleep every night? What about the ones who find it hard to breathe without them? What about the ones who know their world was burnt, wrapped in cerement, on the pyre with the one who was taken away by a virus that was designed to kill?
They say wars are not just about killing people, there’s more to them. Of course, there is more to them. I believe wars are about making the living ones feel dead. When you lose someone, a part of you dies along with them, a part that cannot be revived, a part that would never work again. When you lose a loved one you realize how meaningful or meaningless life is. You cannot die with the one who is gone but how are you supposed to tell anyone that you are not alive either. The person that you were with the one who is now gone is also gone with them. How are you supposed to convince yourself that you are left behind to mourn, to cry?
But those who are gone, do they see us, do they miss us, do they even remember us in the new world? Do they know we were once together, that we loved each other, that we meant the world to each other? Do they? And, does it even matter?
All I know is that losing someone to death is painful but when you lose them to an unexpected occurrence, it becomes a wound that never heals. You think about them all the time, about how life would have been if it hadn’t happened, if things were normal like before. And then you say to yourself, how will anything be normal again because the one who made things normal for you has been taken away by a sinister, treacherous disease.
To the ones who are gone and to the ones who are going through loss, the one who isn’t here mattered. He wasn’t just a number, he wasn’t just some figure who was lost in this senseless war against humankind, he was a person who meant everything to someone. He will be remembered, forever. He will be missed, forever!